how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
These tits shall not be calmed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
