I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
