just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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