She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can text with my tongue
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
