I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
