theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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