just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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