omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
