It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
