broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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