i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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