Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
