i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
