It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
