"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
