My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
