3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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