I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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