I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
