Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
