i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
