You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
