I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so that wasnt chicken after all
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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