she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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