I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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