If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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