one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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