you guys were way drunker than both of me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
