i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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