woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
