I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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