i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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