my being single is dangerous.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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