GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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