his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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