I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
