This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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