Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
