we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
