i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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