you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
