I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It was confusing and full of hummus
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
