Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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