Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
