I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
