Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
