$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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