I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
