Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
