Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm passing your future prison.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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