Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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