Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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