I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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