Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
