Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
